The fuck is going on with that poster?

“Ok, ok, ok…check it, check it…guys, are you ready? This will BLOW your minds, much like that actress blew you that one time for that roll. Ok, you remember Panic Bank, Panic Room and Panic Train? Yeah, yeah, yeah…I’m really high right now…yeah. You remember Air Force One and all that “Give me back my WIFE!” Alright, check it. Let’s blend them together, you ready, blend them together and we’ll get Harrison Ford, yeah? No? You’re shakin’ your heads here, already, I haven’t even finished this pitch yet. He won’t do it? You sure? Alright, alright, alright…let’s go with Ben Affleck? No? Ok…ok…who do you want? You think Nic Cage? With a different toupee? I gotta run to the bathroom…”

“Alright, I’m back…I’m ready for more. You? You ready? ALRIGHT! So, check it, this movie is about a guy, who makes money. Or steals it, or puts it in a safe where he has to use his finger to get in. Yeah! He’s married and that Twilighty-Burlesque guy also steals. We can have the man and the Twilighty guy work together, or steal together and I think we REALLY should make Twilighty guy have an affair with the wife. Nicole Kidman’s face emotes right? Yeah…yeah…she’ll do it, she owes you right? Cool! We can make them steal the daughter, like that episode of Family Guy or that movie Trapped; you guys use cartoons and other movies as the sole basis of stories now, right? Yes! Now, as a tagline we can use, “But what they don’t know, is that they’ll fight back!” YEAH! This is SO original! It’ll be even more original if we give Cage some nerdy glasses. At the end, he or she or the daughter can be the twist; they’re in on it ALL ALONG! YEAH!”

Execs: “Ok.”

This is how I imagine this pitch going down.

While we are on the subject of how stupid this movie looks, what the bloody hell is up with that poster? My god! It’s like someone was given the worst photos and this is how they made it look decent or someone who just learned Photoshop basics gave it a whirl. God damn! That’s bad! It almost looks like a cartoon!

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