I started today by starting a blog post about Doctor Who and how incredibly awesome the series is and has become with Matt Smith. I am ending the day writing about how incredibly disappointed I am with Torchwood: Miracle Day. It’s something I feared would happen when I first heard they were bringing Torchwood to America. It’s something I hoped wouldn’t be the case. I was so, SO wrong.

Basically, after the end of the phenomenal Torchwood: Children of Earth, which took 5 nights of non-stop exciting action, we are left with no more Torchwood in the entire world, Torchwood Wales is destroyed and only Jack and Gwen are left. Jack takes off to god-knows-where and Gwen is left with her family. Great. There are SO many places this series can go from here. When Torchwood: Miracle Day starts off Gwen is living, isolated, in the countryside with her husband. Jack is no where to be found. In a quick aside, I will say that this series has been so drawn out and boring for most of the 6 weeks it has been on, that I don’t really know, or care, what happened when, so I’m just blabbing it all out there.

Anyway, so we quickly start getting glimpses of weird people coming to Gwen’s and weirdly turning away and creeping her and us out. Well, now they are gone never to return. Oh and some kiddie rapist is getting executed. Mekhi Phifer gets in an accident, etc. Something happens and now no one dies. Jack returns and saves Rhys, Gwen and the baby. That is the last time any action or exciting events have taken place and we are on the sixth episode. Yeah. So, no one dies at all, except Jack. Now he’s all mortal, that’s weird. This is Torchwood-like. Strange events, weird goings-on. Say goodbye, because it leaves and never returns because suddenly we now have healthcare debates, a mysterious corporation that has a bunch of pills stocked up for some kind of event and WWII-style concentration camps where people are numbered category 1-3. Category ones get burned in giant ovens. Why? Who knows, we either never will know or it’ll take the remaining four episodes to find out, if anyone is still watching.

If you’ve been watching and have asked yourself where Oswald Danes has gone, you aren’t alone. Who knows?! Bill Pullman is probably one of the best things going on in this series since Jack is a bumbling moron and Gwen is a bitch (more on that later) now, and he’s gone. Maybe he’ll show up, probably he won’t. I’m not certain we’ll even get any kind of resolution into what the hell his purpose is with this show.

On tonights episode, of which I watched very little because I was huffing through 90% of the scenes, there was some kind of an alien in a locked box. It’s like they were saying, “Oh, right, aliens and such, here you go! There! Satisfied nerds?” Seriously, what the hell was the episode that was on tonight even about? What I gleamed from my glancing views and in between huffs was that there was an alien, Jack changed the future (or something) and two white guys and a black guy bought Jack and made an alliance and are the triangle brigade? I really don’t care at this point, the show has become such a mottled crapfest of crap, that it isn’t worth it.

On to the bitching about how the remaining characters are portrayed in the Americanized version of Torchwood. First, Jack isn’t gay. He’s omni-sexual and part of his charm is that he will flirt with ANYTHING! Man, woman or alien. Not in Torchwood: Miracle Day. Nope! He’s straight up gay. And the writers feel the need to make it clear with extended sex scenes with characters no one cares about and in which there is no chemistry. Before someone starts going off and blathering about being against gays and such, I am not, nor do I need to explain myself. I don’t care if men are kissing in an episode, it happened all the time on the old Torchwood. Ianto and Jack were together, and they had chemistry, damn it! It went with the story, etc. There is NO reason for there to have been a scene several episodes back where not only Jack, but Mekhi Phifer’s (I don’t know his characters name and I don’t care what his name is) character has really long and drawn out and incredibly uninteresting and boring sex scenes. It made no sense, there was no attraction and there was no need. If you want there to be a character that is interested in men, fine! Have them make out and roll around in the sack, I don’t care. But, the usage of 20 minutes of it is just boring!

As for the episode that was on tonight, I get that it was important (god, I hope so!) for the story to show that Jack met this guy at Ellis Island and they had a relationship, even though when he was talking about that girl on the balcony he would have been talking about the girl on the balcony, he got pissed for some reason and now is possibly behind this whole deal. I get that, I do. But, the sex scenes weren’t good. I didn’t buy it, and let me tell you I love Barrowman and wanted to buy it. But, the scenes were so schmaltzy and lame, the dialogue was horrid and the chemistry blew out the window from minute one between these two. The Jack Harkness of yore would have been flirting with Esther from the get-go; I should actually say the REAL Jack Harkness.

Now on to Gwen. When did she become such a bitch? All she does is bitch and be all “My family. Jack, I’ll kill you” From the episode where Jack rescued her from her country home to last week when she blew up the ovens, there was only…wait, those were the only two instances where she was awesome.

I’m not sure what the writers were attempting with this show. Were/are they trying to get people to talk about the healthcare debate? Were/are they trying to have social commentary about the gay community? Because 5 episodes about nothing where the characters you don’t care about do nothing and there is some healthcare talk and some pharmaceutical talk and some of those characters going through documents on a computer and 6 episodes where a character’s sexuality that goes against the entire mythology of not only Torchwood, but also Doctor Who, is shoved down the audiences throats for literally no reason. Unless you count setting up a past relationship as being the reason for Miracle Day as the reason? Because my issue is that it served no purpose. I’m not sure if the writers were like, “Well, Jack is the only character we have that can be all sexy-like (don’t get me wrong, Capt. Jack is generally [except in this season] sexy, as is John Barrowman), so let’s just throw in stupid sex scenes.” Or if they were like, “True Blood does it. Game of Thrones does it. Boardwalk Empire does it.” And they’d be right, they do! They also have same-sex couples (Lafayette and Jesus [chemistry and story]) that have sex; the difference between those shows is that it goes with the stories and those shows aren’t Torchwood.

In short, Torchwood isn’t soft-core porn, it just isn’t and I really wish the show would move it along in all aspects and lay off the boring sex scenes between ANY of the characters male, female or omni. Just move the god-damn story along in some way! I don’t want 4 more episodes of blathering about nonsense. I don’t want more episodes of Jack meeting someone and five minutes later, without even a sexy flirt, jumping into a 20 minute sex scene that bores me to tears because I don’t care about the damn people. I don’t want four more hours Esther maybe interested in Phifer, Gwen continuing to be a bitch, more storylines that go nowhere, more characters that go nowhere, and four more episodes of nothing Torchwood-esque. I’m not even sure I want it at all, really.