It's in 3D!!!!!

This isn’t the name of this stupid movie, but since they decided the old formula of: someone has a vision, warns people, some listen, some don’t, those that listen get away, those that got away end up dying one by one, the end, wasn’t good enough, now we get a refresh. If refresh means the same damn thing only we added Candyman and the option for those who didn’t die to kill someone else instead and live. Yep, that’s what they did.

“Doo-dee-doo-de-dooo…we’re going over a bridge in a giant bus. That sign that the camera lingers on too long, sure must be telling me what will happen! I totally had a vision that a bunch of people would run around and fall off of, and get hit by, the bridge when it totally falls down. Just like that sign forewarned of! I was like, “EVERYONE GET OFF THE BUS!” and then the bridge totally started to break apart, just like in that vision I had! Then, when we were at the funeral for all these people who didn’t run or jump away from the bad effects quick enough, Candyman was like, “Death…doesn’t like…to be cheated…” I was all like, “Whatever! Don’t you think that if death wanted me dead, it would have happened then? Oh, right, the plot of all of these stupid movies is the same, or is it?” Candyman is totally being a jerk and telling us that we will all be killed by death in increasingly stupid and retarded ways, or will we? Oh wait, Candyman tells us that now death doesn’t give a shit WHO dies, just that someone dies. So, now we can be murderers and save our own asses. This is so wonderful for us. Now, we won’t die but will just be haunted by the fact that we killed someone so we could stay alive! Whoo!”

That’s about what happens. With these movies you don’t have to worry about it being a big change from what you see in the trailer. It’s the movie equivalent of WYSIWYG. Oh, it’s also in 3D, so expect stupid shit to be flying at your face at least once in every fucking scene.

Stay tuned to the next exciting installment Final Destination 666: The Devil is in the Details (Insert 6’s wherever you feel it’s needed).

Advertisements