AIYEEE! The aliens sank my Battleship!

“Oh, we’re so orange on this orange beach. I’m all over you while you totally tell me how you are going to tell my dad (who hates you) that you want to marry me even though he TOTALLY hates you. He thinks you are the best at what you do, remember how he keeps saying that you went from enlisting to the top of your class faster than anyone, but you are like, totally, reckless? You’re SO sexy, babe. Look how sexy I am too! Daddy said you are going to do some naval exercises, where everything is really blue now, and that they’ll probably be your last. But, whatevs, you’re like, totally, hot and stuff.

Holy crap, what’s that thing out there in the water? You’re totally hot brother, wearing blue on the blue ship, is really interested in it. Everyone is like, ‘GET OUT THERE AND CHECK IT OUT!’ I bet you have to go. Yep! Holy shit! Rihanna is totally believable as a machine gun gunner. My Daddy told me when you climbed on top of the thingy and touched it, you flew through the air and your hot brother ordered everyone out of the water, like, NOW! WHOA! Now the alien ships are jumping all over the ocean in some kind of unbelievable grid pattern while throwing little peg-like things into your ships? Daddy never told me that the Navy was such a fun place! Since I’m mentioned for no reason as both the head guys daughter and also as your girlfriend, I am sure I’ll come more into play in this stupid scenario. I bet the aliens just came to play games with us! It’s cool, though, Dad is using all the ammo on these ships as they jump about.”

That’s what I imagine happens in the scene with the two people on the beach; she tells him about their orange and blue courtship, trials and tribulations now and in the future and they, inexplicably, include aliens playing Battleship with them in the sea. Let me be honest, there is one reason and one reason ONLY why I would watch this movie: The orange and blueness. Yes, that is why I would watch it, and not the 6’4″ Swedish god walking around the blue world we get presented. I know this is seriously just for fun and no one should EVER think this is a serious movie, but why would you even waste money, time and Skarsgård on something as inane as a movie about a douchey turd who is a loose cannon, his soon-to-be father-in-law who hates him, his dumb blonde, orange, girlfriend and the fact that, for some reason, a bunch of alien ships landed in the ocean and wanted to play a dumb board game? I mean, besides giving me some Skarsgård to enjoy.


It’s a stupid link, because apparently, like Glee, embedding is forbidden…