It’s been a LONG two weeks since the last new episode and it was worth it. This season just keeps getting better and better.

– First, shirtless Eric!

Yes, please!

– So after Eric clearly has no clue who she is, and tells her she smells like wheat, honey and sunshine she drives off. Being the moron she is apt to be, she only drives, like, a hundred feet before stopping and of course Eric tries to attack her through the window. Of course that sexy beast isn’t gone yet!

– Eric calls Sookie Snooki and tells her that he knows what he is, just not who he is. The last thing he remembers is the sea and home. Then he breaks out that sexy Swedish.

See...still there!

– Tara’s a fucking idiot! But at least Lafayette’s back to being his sassy self.

– Wait, wait, wait…Marnie, did you just say that Eric came in un-invited? How was that possible? Hmmm…

– These witches are also stupid as shit!

– Jason still has his dumb ass tied to the bed in Hillbilly Central, because now maybe we’ll learn that dropping trow at every pair of tits that walks by can get your ass tied to a freakin’ bed. Now all the little inbreds are sitting around the fire, indoors, talking about the origin of their inbred ancestors.

Oh, Jason. Your whoring got you here.

– Clearly, and obviously, panthers used to be the kings of the nature world and men thought they were gods. But then sky people came (?) and seduced man against the nature world; all except one man and one woman, Ghost Mama and Ghost Daddy. They begged the panthers to make them like they are and so the panther ate them and they absorbed his powers in his belly. When he vomited them out they were like the hillfolk in Hotshot. Fucking inbred and weird.


– Bill sentences a dumb vampire to the true death for being a moron and feeding on a human in public and being taped.

– He also tells Jessica to tell Hoyt about cheating on him. Yeah, that ought to go good.

– Sookie takes Eric back to her home, she pretends to invite him in because he doesn’t know that he owns the house…yet.

– Pam appears and begs Sookie to take care of him because the witches will surely come looking for him. She believes Bill set him up to get rid of him. Sookie agrees to watch Eric, but she wants to be paid for babysitting him.

Is he simple now? Because I'll take on the challenge of babysitting him.

– Hoyt has that creepy doll. Where the fuck did that thing come from? He and Jessica both claim they got rid of it.

Yeah, that thing. WTF?

– Jessica tells Hoyt and of course he is pissed off. Then she glamours him, and that always goes well. Just ask Ginger.

– Sookie takes Eric to his hideyhole and he asks if she wants to be his. Bitch says no! NO? That damn eyebrow thing he does is reason enough to make me say yes!

– Lafayette tells Tara and Jesus that he won’t go to Fangtasia to plead with Eric to forgive him. Come on! It’s Lafayette! That bitch is SO going to go to Fangtasia.

– I don’t trust Jesus and Tara is sure to do something stupid.

– Andy is SUPER addicted to V and pulls a gun on Sam while ranting about trees and garbage like junkies often do.

– Sam looks good.

– Sookie drives to see Alcide and ask him to take care of Eric, then Debbie appears. She’s no longer a V addict and wants to be friends with Sookie. Mmmmhmmm. Plus, she has Jebus on her side.

– Tommy’s still a retard who now plans on stealing money from Maxine after a man came to her house to see about buying her natural gas land rights. Being the moron he is he later goes to Sam and tries to get him to go in with him on the scam. Sam tells him that he isn’t interested and that if he doesn’t tell Maxine, he will.

– Jason is still tied up but now he’s full of Mexican Viagra. Hmmm…

– Where you goin’ Lafayette? Oh, to Fantasia. Good thing Tara and Jesus show up and save you. Pam says she gives them 24 hours to find the witch and bring her or she will personally eat, fuck and kill each of them.

– Bill is both looking for Eric and also screwing the lawyer chick.

– Now Arlene’s baby has the creepy doll. That should go well.

– Marnie is insane. She is begging the spirit to come to her. And look, it’s there. It appears to be some young woman. Who is she? What does she want? Is this someone involved with Eric in his past?

Who you is?

– Oh look! Crystal is raping Jason while all the little crazy hicks watch. Let me clarify, all the female hicks look on. This direction they are taking this storyline is interesting. I don’t know whether Crystal is fucking with him, or what.

– Sookie is at home waiting for Eric and sees a flash of light. So when she goes outside and encounters Claudine who, last time they met, was told to get her before she escaped, imagine her surprise? Claudine tells her that she has to go with her as they can protect her. She also bullshits some story about how she saved Sookie back when those two junkies tried killing her in season one. I don’t buy it. Whatever! Sookie doesn’t either and tells her to leave her alone.

– Eric body checks Claudine and starts feeding on her. He can’t, or won’t, stop and soon Claudine changes to her true form. What the hell are these things? Because I’m not convinced they are Faeries. I also can’t be sure that that was Claudine and not an imposter. She doesn’t fair well.

WTF? Wtf is that?

– Claudine poofs into a cloud and Sookie utters, “YOU JUST KILLED MY FAERIE GODMOTHER!” and elicits this response from Eric:

Sheepish grin